Sex and Happiness
The Sex Pyramid
The food pyramid? Yawn. The latest news is the sex pyramid. Learn why including different types of lovemaking in your romantic repertoire can help you have more fun in bed.
Subsisting on a diet drawn from one food group isn't healthy or gratifying. Even eating cupcakes 24/7 eventually would get old! And yet when it comes to feeding our sexual appetite, many of us rely on one mode to sate all of our romantic cravings. Turns out, women who order the same meal at the same restaurant every time, so to speak, are missing out. Engaging in different shagging styles not only prevents boredom in the bedroom, but "it also fulfills your many physical and emotional needs, allows you to express different aspects of your personality and enables you to grow sexually as a couple," explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist in New York City. No one is saying you have to install a trapeze in your bedroom or invite the neighbors to join in. But just as following the food pyramid's guidelines will improve your overall diet, integrating different types of sex into your regular routine can healthy, well-rounded and satisfying sex life.
The benefits Having an orgasm may feel good (OK, amazing), but more measured lovemaking fulfills our innate need for emotional closeness. Because feeling in sync is so integral to relationship satisfaction, intimate sex is often at the base of women's sex pyramid. "Feeling connected and conveying your affection for one another requires you to slow down and really tune in to each other," says Trina Read, author of Till Sex Do Us Part: Make Your Married Sex Irresistible (Key Porter Books). "When you race to the finish line, it's easy to lose sight of your partner's physical and emotional needs," Read says. By spending some time between the sheets with no pressure to have an orgasm—or even intercourse—you'll appreciate the act and each other more, which is bound to generate some of those warm and fuzzy feelings.
The recipe No matter how long you've known your partner, he still can't read your mind, so communicate what makes you feel connected. (He probably doesn't know how much you miss those marathon make-out sessions—you have to tell him!) To ensure an affirmative response, "offer some positive reinforcement by saying, 'I loved it when you did such and such…let's try that again!'" says Emily Dubberley, author of The Going Down Guide (St. Martin's Press). In the moment, do whatever you need to do to feel closer: Kiss, laugh, share a secret you've never told anyone. You'll feel so enamored that it won't matter whether it ends with a bang.
Intimate
What it is A leisurely exploration of each other's body that allows you to reestablish your bond; it may or may not include intercourse.The benefits Having an orgasm may feel good (OK, amazing), but more measured lovemaking fulfills our innate need for emotional closeness. Because feeling in sync is so integral to relationship satisfaction, intimate sex is often at the base of women's sex pyramid. "Feeling connected and conveying your affection for one another requires you to slow down and really tune in to each other," says Trina Read, author of Till Sex Do Us Part: Make Your Married Sex Irresistible (Key Porter Books). "When you race to the finish line, it's easy to lose sight of your partner's physical and emotional needs," Read says. By spending some time between the sheets with no pressure to have an orgasm—or even intercourse—you'll appreciate the act and each other more, which is bound to generate some of those warm and fuzzy feelings.
The recipe No matter how long you've known your partner, he still can't read your mind, so communicate what makes you feel connected. (He probably doesn't know how much you miss those marathon make-out sessions—you have to tell him!) To ensure an affirmative response, "offer some positive reinforcement by saying, 'I loved it when you did such and such…let's try that again!'" says Emily Dubberley, author of The Going Down Guide (St. Martin's Press). In the moment, do whatever you need to do to feel closer: Kiss, laugh, share a secret you've never told anyone. You'll feel so enamored that it won't matter whether it ends with a bang.
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